strength. love. joy.

It's my favorite season and we are now approaching the end of my favorite month. There are 2 more months left in this decade (wow!) and I'm feeling renewed and focused.

I just celebrated my 32nd birthday, and I always like to reflect on lessons learned and new things I've learned about myself this time of year.

Black Women are incredibly strong and connected.

Over the past two years my periods were becoming increasingly painful and heavy. I figured it was normal with my age or the birth control I was taking. It got to the point where I just couldn’t take the pain anymore and I was so embarrassed to even talk about how many tampons I was soaking through.  After an ultrasound, I soon found out I had a fibroid. It wasn’t very big in size, but it was recommended that I get it removed. About 80 percent of black women will develop fibroids over their lifetime and are 2-3 times more likely to develop fibroids relative to white women. A million thoughts ran through my head including - would I still be able to have kids? Although this type of surgery, a hysteroscopic myomectomy, is pretty common I was still very worried. I talked with my mom about it and turns out she also had fibroids, but she didn’t have to get them removed. I finally talked to my friends about it and turns out a few other friends had also experienced issues with fibroids. Why are we so silent about our pain? As Black women we are connected in so many ways; we have to support each other and stop suffering in silence. Earlier this year, I proceeded with the surgery, which was minimally invasive, and I had a quick recovery. My periods started to get better after that. I’ve learned that you should never be afraid to tell your story, and vulnerability will set you free. The strength and endurance of Black women is unbelievable. Nothing can hold us down. We have the power to overcome anything that comes our way, and we don’t have to do it alone.

You will love again.

“Friends say you getting thick that’s just happy weight.” -Fabolous

Falling in love is such a roller coaster, and I never thought I would be crazy enough to fall in love again. I enjoy my space and my “me time.”  (Yes - I’m an introvert!) And honestly I was just tired of wasting my time with dating apps and no-good men. The thought of being vulnerable again with someone new was the furthest thing from my mind. But it’s been a little over a year now that I took a chance on love. Me and bae are still going strong! I’m happy, I’m at peace, and I even gained a little happy weight. #thickthighssavelives I’m in a place of comfort where I still have the space to grow and evolve, and still be myself. I actually like having him in my space. LOL! It feels amazing to be in a healthy relationship and loved unconditionally in spite of my flaws. I’m so excited to be on this journey with someone I can truly trust and have fun with.

If you’re doubting you will love again remember that you are worthy and deserve to be loved and Queen Maya Angelou said it best:

“Have enough courage to trust love one more time and always one more time.”

— Maya Angelou

It’s ok to feel joy. 

I mean REALLY bask in joy. 

According to Brene Brown, one of my favorite writers, “…the most vulnerable thing a human being can feel, according to research, isn't negative. It's arguably the most positive emotion you can feel: joy.”

This is surprisingly true. Sometimes when something really good happens in my life, I immediately feel the fragility of it and start thinking of worse-case scenarios. What if something bad happens?  One way I try to combat these feelings is to practice gratitude daily. I just received two new journals, which have been helpful in writing down things that I’m grateful for.  Life is too short to worry about the what-ifs. I want to fully experience joy and live every moment to the fullest.

So how are you feeling?

Are you on track to finish the year strong and accomplish your goals? There's still time left. It's never too late to start something new. Reach out for support if you need it. Let's challenge each other to finish what we've started and to savor every moment.

What is love?

Today as I was strolling through the aisles of Home Goods picking up more random houseware items that I don’t need, two students approached me. My first thought was, "Please don't ask me to buy or sign up for anything." But they told me they were working on a project and asked me, "How do you define love?" I didn't ask what kind of project it was for, but my first response was, "Wow. You can't define love. There's just no way. There are so many forms of love, so many feelings. " For me, trying to define it would almost diminish its meaning. So then they asked, "Well what do you think about when you think about love?"  So maybe this was a better way to phrase the question. Surprisingly, the first three words that I blurted out were: butterflies, peace, and vulnerability. Of course there are a million other words I could add this to this list, but these were the first three that came to mind at the moment, and they weren't in any type of order. I later thought to myself why these three things? Here's what I came up with.

Butterflies

Remember the first time you fell in love? The very thought of this person gave you this weird but incredible feeling: butterflies. This feeling of nervousness mixed with excitement is so rare. Although I know that some people may think that feeling butterflies is a little cliche or unrealistic nowadays. I still believe in butterflies and genuine soul connections. 

Peace

God is peace. God is love. I think of agape love, the highest form of love, the unconditional, sacrificial love that God shows for us all.  And this verse also comes to mind -- Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7

In addition to this form of spiritual peace, isn't it amazing when we find peace within ourselves and within our other relationships? There's this sense of peace just from being connected to a particular person. Their calm, positive energy can be contagious. Chaos and anger is something I try to avoid, and can be a sign of an unhealthy relationship. So I try to be mindful of the energy I create and receive. 

As I stay true to my mantra of being intentional, I am at peace with being single.  I'm reclaiming my time! I choose the company I keep wisely and I continue to do the things I love to do. Dating just gets annoying sometimes. But I've learned so much about myself during this phase of my life and I'm still learning. Self-love and discovery is an amazing thing. 

Vulnerability

To love and to be loved comes with an extraordinary amount of vulnerability. Meeting someone that you can be your authentic, complete self around is a wonderful feeling, so I've always been a strong proponent of building relationships deeply rooted in friendship. Our friends sometimes know us better than we know ourselves. These are the people that know our deepest desires, our quirky dance moves, our greatest fears, and all of our uniquely crazy habits.

But sometimes it can be hard to be vulnerable, and to just be our amazing, magical selves. Betrayal, insecurities,  anxiety, fear, etc. can all play a part in keeping people at bay. I’ve met people that didn’t peel back their layers until much later and they were a completely different person from when I first met them. I always like to refer to one of my favorite quotes, by one of my favorite authors as motivation that I deserve love and with that comes vulnerability. 

“You wanna fly, you got to give up the shit that weighs you down.”

— Song of Solomon by Toni Morrison

To love and to be loved takes work, and that could involve work on ourselves, not just the other person. 

So as you can see love can get pretty complicated and gives us all sorts of feels. I would never be able to give a concise definition. What words come to mind when you think about love?

And if you haven't been told today already, know that you are loved.  

xoxo

Victoria

I will race to the

top of the mountain to catch

the sun rise with you.

I love you because

I don't know how not to.

You make me sick

and you heal my body

all in 

the same breath.

Proposals, Football, and Beyonce

I just had a great weekend spending time with family. We celebrated my Dad's birthday and my cousin had a Super Bowl party on Sunday. You know I was only there for the food and Beyonce. I could care less about football but I was rooting for Cam Newton and the Carolina Panthers to win.  He's had a great season and unapologetic when it comes to celebrating his greatness. Some may call it arrogant, but I believe he is being true to himself. You have to celebrate YOU when no one else will, so Cam is alright with me. So we were all waiting in anticipation for the halftime show to see Beyonce perform her new song, Formation, which broke the internet this weekend by the way, and during the commercial break my cousin gets on one knee and proposes to his girlfriend! I was so excited! The women are very protective of the men in our family, but we welcomed her with open arms. I think this is the first time I've seen a proposal in person so I was glad to be able to witness the pure joy in their eyes. How was your weekend?

xoxo,

Victoria

A Grandmother's Love

An older cousin of mine asked me if I remembered my grandmother and I told her of course! How could I forget? I was only 9 when she passed, but I remember her just like it was yesterday. She had beautiful brown sepia skin and silver curly hair. I even remember the way she smelled when I would curl up in her lap and hug her. I loved that sweet woman. I would play with her hats and heels, and she always had something sweet in her purse to eat when we couldn't keep still in church. Every time we made a trip to the store me and my brother always came back home with a toy. We were so spoiled! We could do no wrong in her eyes. There's nothing like a grandmother's love so cherish yours while you still can. She would have been 93 today.  I wish she could have stayed with us a little bit longer.

Continue to rest in peace Granny Clara.

xoxo,

Victoria

home

i am flawed
but still worth loving.
you crawled into every crevice
and made it home.

Believe

" Believe you can experience someone better than the person you once longed for or were with. Believing that there isn't someone else out there better is a lie. Qualities of brains and beauty, emotional and spiritual maturity, confidence and ambition, can be found anywhere in this world. The person you once had or desired isn't the only one on this planet who can move your heart. Speak the love of your life into existence, and believe." - Melvin Davis, excerpt from ALTERcation by Ericka McCracken

I have been reading my sorority sister's book ALTERcation and I can't put it down. This quote stuck out to me in a huge way. Anyone that has gone through a break-up knows that there are two questions that come to mind, if you will ever love again or if there will be someone better? The answer is YES! God always has another. It may be hard to believe when you are still going through the healing process, or have experienced a bunch of failed relationships/situations. But He will lead you to the person that is meant for you.