Believe

" Believe you can experience someone better than the person you once longed for or were with. Believing that there isn't someone else out there better is a lie. Qualities of brains and beauty, emotional and spiritual maturity, confidence and ambition, can be found anywhere in this world. The person you once had or desired isn't the only one on this planet who can move your heart. Speak the love of your life into existence, and believe." - Melvin Davis, excerpt from ALTERcation by Ericka McCracken

I have been reading my sorority sister's book ALTERcation and I can't put it down. This quote stuck out to me in a huge way. Anyone that has gone through a break-up knows that there are two questions that come to mind, if you will ever love again or if there will be someone better? The answer is YES! God always has another. It may be hard to believe when you are still going through the healing process, or have experienced a bunch of failed relationships/situations. But He will lead you to the person that is meant for you.

goosebumps

"The sex is good. There's nothing wrong, but there's no goosebumps, no butterflies, there's no tingling anywhere you know?" Angela, from the show Power


I know a lot of women can relate to this statement. We run into a nice guy but we just aren't feeling him. It can never be simple with us; even though we claim to want the simple things, we always seem to fall for the complicated guys. Why? Do we seek to cause ourselves pain? No. What is it? Why do we want the unattainable? We give so much to those that aren't ready to receive the love we have to give. We think we can change the guy and that somehow he's different from the rest, but he's really exactly like the other inconsiderate guys you've dated. And if he really is different from the rest, who has the time to wait around for him to get his act together? None of us are perfect and we may not have it all together, but you at least have to be with someone that is going to meet you halfway or else it's just a wasted effort. Real work must be invested in building any type of relationship; whether its a platonic or a romantic relationship. On the other hand, we also don't want to be with a guy that we have no chemistry with. It's a double edged sword. It's difficult finding that balance, but just know that when you do find that person; it won't be complicated. You will know. Your happiness depends on your choices, so choose to be with someone that honors your soul and respects you. Oh and goosebumps every now and then are nice too. :)

"You keep looking for people you have that chemical thing with but that's not the whole package. You have to find someone you can spend two weeks with in a crammed timeshare in Montauk in the rain and not want to kill." -Polly, Orange is the New Black

The Illusion of Dating

I've had several conversations with my friends lately about dating. Most of them pretty much hate dating, and this includes guys and girls. I've never been a big fan of dating either. You get all excited about someone the first few dates and then you find out they're not looking for anything serious or they just want to have sex, but you're intention is to find the love of your life. Or if you do make it past the honeymoon phase, you find out that the person is completely different from the person you met when you first started dating. Of course we all like to make good first impressions, and as you get more comfortable with a person, more of your true self is exposed. We may not do all of the romantic things we did on the first date as the relationship grows, but that doesn't mean that the couple should completely stop doing nice things for each other. The guy that was such a gentleman turns into a complete asshole. Or the girl that was so into you just starts dodging your calls because she was only looking for company to help her get over her ex. Or the "I'm not ready for a commitment" phrase pops up. I've used this line myself. Dating should be fun. But what IS dating? Do you date a complete stranger or do you date someone you met through a mutual friend? Do you become friends first? Is it ok to date more than one person? Should the guy pay for everything or go Dutch? Most of the guys I've dated were through mutual friends and yes I expect the man to pay the first couple of dates. You can call me old fashioned but I don't care. I also don't think you have to be friends first, but it can make it easier because you already know the person to a certain degree. But then if it doesn't work out, you risk losing a friend. In the world of dating it seems like no one is ever really on the same page or have the same intentions, so dating just gets exhausting. But you do have to take risks and go through a few bad apples to get to the one you want. So don't give up! Both people involved should define dating and what they want and take it from there. What was your worst dating experience?