Change

I’ve always wondered what this quote meant but now I’m starting to feel exactly what it means. Last year I asked a lot of questions. I asked myself questions. I asked God questions. What’s next in my career? What’s my purpose? Will I fall in love again? When will I be able to afford to buy a house? I went to therapy looking for answers to receive some sort of breakthrough or an “aha” moment. I found love. I found someone who loves me and all my crazy quirks and moods. But yet, I’ve still been searching for something. There’s this feeling like things aren’t moving fast enough or if I don’t accomplish something soon I’ll run out of time. My parents have been talking about retiring, and I keep thinking - no you can’t retire! I have to be in a place to take care of you if something happens and I’m not there yet. Why is time moving so fast? Why are my parents getting older? I’m getting older and I’m tired of family members asking when I’m getting married and having some kids. So much is changing, yet still not the change I want. I’ve been screaming for change in so many areas of my life that I literally had to take a moment each week and reflect and express gratitude. I write down each new thing that happened and what I’m thankful for - every little thing.

I became so obsessed with wanting change I decided to cut my hair. i was so afraid at first because I’ve been so attached to my long hair. Everyone loves long hair. What if I don’t look right? I told my stylist to just go for it! And I felt so relieved, like a weight had been lifted! I know a haircut won’t give me the answers I’m looking for, but maybe it was the change I needed at that moment. Maybe this is the start of what’s to come for me. I took a leap, not knowing what the outcome would be. As Coco Chanel once said, “A woman who cuts her hair is about to change her life.”

I am hoping 2019 is a year of leaps and bounds.