What is the worst thing that has ever happened to you? How has it shaped you?

Witnessing the death of my grandparents has shaped my life tremendously. I was only about 9 watching my grandmother in the ICU, and I knew she would wake up, she had to. But she didn't and I didn't understand why. Why couldn't I save her? Less than a year later my grandmother's friend who is the only grandfather I've ever known, passed as well. I knew it was from a broken heart. He was fine before. I watched the paramedics do CPR and I kept thinking he's going to wake up, God surely can't take the both of you away right now. But he didn't wake up. And once again I'm pondering in my head why couldn't I save him? What did I do wrong that God had to take them both away? These situations has led to my fear of death and my desire to be in control and plan every situation in my life. The obsessive nature to "save" everyone around me from whatever issue they may be going through. I'm still learning not to blame myself for things I have no control over. I'm enjoying life even though fear still creeps its evil head in the background. Life goes on...and so do I.